Do you know where your contact lenses are?

I don't. About a month ago, I bought a six month supply of contact lenses. Enough to get me through to next winter, since I don't wear them every day, or really any day I expect to be reading a great deal, or driving long distances. But I like to wear them during yoga classes, so I can see what's going on, but not have to worry about whether my glasses are going to fly off, or get dripped on, or whatever.

The day I picked them up, I put them carefully in the trunk of my car, went out to dinner with a friend, and wondered if they would freeze in the trunk of the car. So I know I took them out. I also know this because yesterday I checked, and the only thing in the trunk of my car is my bin full of car stuff (washer fluid, folding shovel, shop wipes, oil. I'd keep my jumper cables there if I had jumper cables--last time I had my jumper cables out I noticed about a 1-inch gap of exposed copper wire behind one of the positive clips. So I figured they weren't safe. And I got rid of them, figuring a) I've never jumped a vehicle in my life, and b) I have a CAA membership and c) I have a cell phone. Other emergency stuff I keep in a bin in the passenger compartment (first aid kid, wetnaps, aspirin, emergency hand-warmer, etc.)

Where was I? Oh yes.

So I'm pretty sure they aren't in the trunk of the car. But they aren't in the medicine cabinet. They're not in the little basket by the bed where I keep my contact lens stuff. They're not on/under/around the table by the door where I throw stu--er, put things as I come in and just need a place to stash them before I put them immediately away. They're not on the couch, they're not by the TV, they're not on the bistro table, they're not on/under/around the computer. So where are they?

And for that matter, where is the remote to the DVD/VCR? It's still telling Standard Time, cuz I can't access the on-screen programming without the remote. And it's starting to get me down, cuz it's really the only clock in the house that I ever really check the time on.

There must be a place where all this missing stuff is ending up. Last time (a couple of summers ago, with my prescription sunglasses, it was the refrigerator) (okay, I dropped the sunglasses in a bag with some vegetables and was in such a hurry when I got home I just stuffed the whole bag in the fridge and *boom* missing sunglasses until I got around to noticing the bag of dead vegetables at the back of the fridge a month or so later).

Sometimes I wonder if this is just me descending into age-related dementia, or if I manage to get a handle of the mental health issues all these problems will just go away. Or rather take care of themselves. Probably not either.