Wednesday, 19 August 2009

CPAP diary (5)

I remember very clearly, once, I woke up totally refreshed. It was in Madison, WI, while I was a post-doc and basically being paid to do not a lot and get a lot of exercise and rest. I woke up one morning, and was just ... up. Awake. Ready to go. Not dozy, not yawning, not just wishing for five more minutes. And not needing it.

I'm not actually feeling this way now, but I'm definitely getting up easier. If the alarm goes off (being on "Research Leave" I have just been letting the machine do its work as much as possible), I maybe hit the snooze once or twice, but for the most part, I don't doze. I'm awake. I'm not really happy about getting up, preferring to snuggle up under the covers and play spaceman (no that' snot a euphemism for anything--remember that the mask covers my nose and mouth and makes neat hissing noises), and I'd definitely stay in bed if I had a choice. But if I set the alarm, it's because I have something to do, and generally speaking, I can now just get up and do it.

I'm not saying I'm refreshed. I'm not saying that I'm not fighting a depression-induced (I assume) desire to crawl back into bed a few hours later. But I get up. And get going.

Okay, 'going' may mean getting all the way to the living room to turn on the TV and the computer, and eventually making coffee and breakfast. But mornings have always been very, very hard for me. Except that one time in Madison. I'm much more a 'crack of noon' kind of guy.

Usually by the time the Daily Show comes on at 11 am (Comedy Network up here runs it and the Colbert show on a 12-hour delay) (they may run it earlier, but what are the odds I'm going to catch it) (I mean, I'm waking up easier, but not really working at getting up at a normal 'human' time of morning), I'm fed, caffeinated, caught up on e-mail and, more often than not lately, dressed.

It's so ... different.

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